AITA for Telling My Wife She Has to Handle the Baby at Night on Our Upcoming Trip?

A dad who works from home and takes care of his two young kids during the day without getting enough sleep is about to lose it. When his wife, a doctor with a busy job in the emergency room, asked him to turn a work trip into a family holiday, he wasn’t sure if he could do it. He gave in though. But late one night, as he rocked their baby to sleep again, the stress finally came out, and he told his wife that she would be in charge of all night care while they were in California.

He isn’t sure if he was too tough now. Even though his wife felt bad and offered to switch night shifts, she felt guilty and he wasn’t sure if he had crossed a line. This father is asking himself: Was I wrong to finally set a limit, or was I just being honest about what I can’t carry alone? He is busy with work, kids, and feeling emotionally worn out.

This dad is the primary parent in his family, and he refused to take the kids and join his wife on her work trip

But then he started feeling really guilty about it, so he asked the internet what to do

Having little kids is never easy to deal with. It’s easy to get burned out when you don’t get enough sleep, work from home full-time, and do emotional job. This father, 36 years old, is in that exact situation as he cares for his two kids, a 3-year-old boy and an 11-month-old girl, every day while working from home.

His wife is an emergency room doctor, which means she has to make calls on the weekends. The dad steps up to keep things in balance by taking care of meals, baths, dropping the kids off at daycare, temper tantrums from the toddler, feeding plans for the baby, and rocking the baby late at night. It’s been months of him carrying this unseen load. He doesn’t have to; he loves his family and knows that someone else has to.

When his wife was asked to a medical conference in California, his first thought was to take a break by herself. “You deserve it.” She did want her whole family to come, though. People tried to talk her out of it several times, but she insisted, seeing it as a chance for a fun trip that wouldn’t cost her PTO.

Almost unwillingly, he agreed.

He finally broke down late one night while rocking a fussy baby in a dark room. He hadn’t slept in days and there was no end in sight. He texted his wife because he was angry, tired, and felt like no one could see him:

“You have to watch the baby all night when we go on this trip.” “That’s it.”

The request wasn’t polite. It was a line drawn in tiredness. She was really sad. She said she could help. But he still doesn’t know if that demand was fair or just the result of an imbalance that had been ignored for a long time.

Let’s break it down.

This dad isn’t mad that being a parent is hard. He doesn’t like that his own needs aren’t being met while he quietly takes on the mental and practical load of the whole family. One partner, usually the one who works from home, ends up being the go-to person for everything connected to the kids. This is a classic case of “default parent syndrome.” According to Parents Magazine, default parents have more worry, burnout, and less time for themselves, even if both partners have jobs.

He also didn’t ask for a fixed change in who was responsible for parenting. He only asked that she take care of the baby’s nighttime wake-ups while they were on the trip, even though he knew it wasn’t a good idea. That’s not mean. That’s setting limits.

Boundaries aren’t ultimatums in good relationships. They’re requests based on availability, and it’s clear that this man is almost at the end of his. The Gottman Institute says that emotional work as a parent is not just physical, but also mental. During a hotel stay, you have to plan meals, remember shots, keep track of naps, plan activities, and worry about cribs and where to store breastmilk. No one thanks you for that work that you can’t see.

To top it all off, this trip isn’t exactly relaxed. It’s more stressful than fun to travel across the country with two young kids, baby gear, nap plans, noisy hotel rooms, and a toddler who is used to having things planned out. On top of that, they were trying to attend work Zoom meetings from a small hotel room.

The wife wants to make the trip fun, and she has good intentions. The meeting is probably a rare chance for her to spend time with her family because she has a very busy job. But by doing that, she might be minimizing the mental cost for her husband, who has been taking care of the house for almost a year without a break.

The best part is that he tried to stop this from happening. He told her she could go by herself. He talked about the problems. He begged them to think again. He didn’t just strike out; this happened after months of being tired and emotionally ignored.

Even the words he used in the post show that he is tired. People looked at him funny when he called his child “the boy,” but he wasn’t trying to sound distant. One hand typed it while the other rocked a baby at midnight. No, that’s not laziness. Yes, that is mental tiredness.

“But she has to work the next day and he doesn’t,” some might say. Isn’t it fair that he works nights and she sleeps?” Well, in theory, yes. Of course, anger grows when that’s what everyone expects every night. And when does he get to rest if he works and cares for others all day?

In the end, this story isn’t just about one night. It’s about how empathy and teamwork are slowly dying out.

It’s not rude of him to ask for help. His reasons for venting, setting limits, or wanting one trip where he isn’t the one suffering in silence while everyone else has fun are all valid.

He’s worn out. He finally said it out loud.

As the dad’s story went viral, he joined the discussion in the comments