Family in Chaos: Brother’s New Romance Ignites Jealousy and Conflict

When jealousy and anger come into the picture, things can quickly go badly in a family that is already very rough. A 35-year-old woman (OP) is stuck in the middle of a family rift that is getting bigger. The “black sheep” of the family, her brother (27M), is finally happy and living with a lover whose parents make more money than ours.

However, his family members were angry and didn’t celebrate his success. His sister is envious that he gets to live in Manhattan, his brother doesn’t like how easy his new job is, and his parents think his success is “undeserved” because his partner is rich. OP tried to speak up for her brother at a family dinner but was cut off. Which leaves her in a tough spot: should she stay true to her brother, who is her only friend and truly values her unwavering support, or should she try to make peace with her family, who are becoming more and more against him?

Family relationships can be complicated

This woman found herself torn between standing up for her brother and not burning bridges with the rest of the family

The Psychology Behind Family Jealousy and Socioeconomic Tensions

The Root of Family Resentment: Sibling Rivalry & Unfair Comparisons

Mark and his sister Michal are rivals in the family, and this time it’s made worse by money problems. Researchers have found that siblings often feel jealous because they think their parents favour one of them, even if it’s not planned and is just a matter of chance. (Psychology Today has more)

• The Social Comparison Theory says that people learn about their own progress by comparing it to that of others. It seems like everyone can come up with reasons why one sibling’s life is “easier” or “luckier” than another, which leads to anger, especially if someone thinks their own problems are being downplayed.
• The Other is also a part of the scarcity mindset. OP’s other siblings might not be as motivated by their brother’s success. Instead, they might see it as more “good fortune” that needs to be shared because OP’s brother took so much of it.

Economic Class Tension Within Families

A big part of this fight is the difference in income between OP and her brother’s partner. Real study has shown that when people start making a lot more money, like when they get married or promoted, they cause extra stress in their old group of friends. The Atlantic is the source.

• Class friction: If a family member changes the way they live, their parents or siblings may see it as rejection of their way of life. This can make them feel distant from their family.
• What’s better: hard work or luck? The OP’s family acts like her brother’s success is due to luck, but ties only get you in the door; they don’t keep you there. Reference: (HBR)

Parental Disapproval: The “Self-Made” Myth and Generational Expectations

The way OP’s parents thought about work and being self-sufficient may have made them angry. But they should get ahead by working hard, not by using a network or getting a partner to help pay for things. That’s an old-fashioned example of how working-class parents see things.

• The Myth of the Self-Made Person is a common irrational bias that says a person’s success should come from their own hard work and not from outside factors like social ties, economic status, or inherited wealth.
• When parents talk about their own feelings, they tend to put those feelings onto their children. They will find it hard to accept that their son’s path is different if they got through college without any help. The journal above (Journal of Family Psychology)

OP’s Dilemma: Navigating Loyalty Without Burning Bridges

She should be able to help her brother, who enjoys it, without getting into a fight with the rest of her family, which is what the OP wants her to do.

• Setting Limits: If OP wants to keep up with both sides, she should set healthy limits so she can participate in healthy family events without bringing up her brother. One way to do this is to say that she won’t talk about her brother in the Negative Zone.
• If you want new doors to open, don’t just keep hitting your head against the wall. Instead, look for the chance and seize it when it comes up. As for her family, things might get better if she told them to see how great her brother has become as an example of how to do well in life, rather than as an unfair thing.
• Her Own Peace: At the end of the day, OP has to decide what will make her feel better: going along with the group even if it means sacrificing her true self, or keeping the peace with the only sister who appreciates her help.

The sister answered some of the netizens’ questions, providing more details on the situation

This story is fun, but it also deals with serious issues like family rivalry, class conflict, and rivalry between siblings. So, even though OP’s brother is happy, it sounds like his family is falling apart because of anger. Often, the best thing to do in these situations is to set limits, refuse drama, and be strong in what you want.