Choosing Boundaries Over Guilt: Was He Wrong for Refusing to Care for His Autistic Cousin?
Family duties can make you feel very sad, especially after a terrible loss. After the sudden death of a loved uncle, a young man’s aunt asked him to take care of his autistic teenage cousin for a short time. But having been emotionally hurt and mistreated in the past made them very hesitant. Family members were angry about the choice to refuse, but was it really unfair?
Caring for a child with autism is hard work that needs emotional strength, specialised knowledge, and a stable setting. If you don’t prepare well or trust each other, the relationship could get worse. When you become a carer, experts agree that being emotionally ready is just as important as having the money to do it.
Even though the young man offered to help financially instead, his extended family criticised him, called him selfish, and put pressure on him to do what they wanted. But when personal limits, mental health, and unresolved tensions are already present, the choice not to take on caregiving duties is less about being selfish and more about keeping everyone from getting hurt emotionally.
Sometimes, family members are disrespectful and rude, which is why other relatives may not want to spend too much time around them
The poster shared that his aunt, who had lost her husband, was struggling to find a job, and hence needed someone to care for her 15-year-old autistic son
When a main breadwinner dies, it can be very hard on the people left behind, especially if they were relying on that income. The sudden move towards financial freedom can be hard for a stay-at-home parent who is taking care of a teen with special needs (special needs support keyword). It’s normal to ask family and friends for help during a crisis, but putting someone in charge of caring when they aren’t ready can be very bad for both the carer and the person who needs care.
People with autism spectrum disorder need to live in a structured and caring place where routines are observed and emotional needs are taken into account. A cousin who already gets along badly with the teen is not in a position to provide the consistency and understanding needed for a good caregiving relationship. In fact, disagreements in this situation could make both people’s mental health worse by causing stress, anger, and possibly even emotional harm. Carer burnout (carer mental health term) is a real and dangerous risk that can happen when support systems aren’t set up correctly.
A lot of the time, “duty” and family guilt are used to control people’s emotions. But to be truly caring, people must be willing to do it, emotionally ready, and trust each other. They can’t be forced to do it. Professionals who know how to set healthy family boundaries say that turning down an offer that could hurt someone is not mean; it’s smart. It’s even more clear that love and support can come in many forms when you can offer cash help or help someone find professional caregiving options. Sometimes the most compassionate choice is the one that feels the hardest.
People sided with the poster and felt that taking in his cousin might end up becoming a permanent thing if he isn’t careful
